A lot happened over these three months in NYC. I went through the full range of emotions. Truthfully, I went to India thinking that I would find so many answers, but really I ended up even more confused and disillusioned than ever. When I came home, honestly I was depressed out of my mind. This all changed though when I had this drink. I was at the liquor store with my sister, and I saw this THC-infused drink. It's some Delta 9 stuff, and so I was like, "Oh no way, they got weed out here in Florida." I bought a case.
There was one great moment for me in India. I went to this holy land called Varanasi. It is said that Lord Shiva will whisper in the ear of devotees here. Honestly, when I got there, I hated it. It was dirty, I was getting pushed all over the place, and it was just sort of a disaster. I had gotten to my hotel, and I swear that I saw a mouse around the main area. Man, I didn't even eat the first day there, just because honestly the place was so overwhelming for me.
There is a drink that the god Lord Shiva drank long ago called Bhang. I kind of had the intention that I would come to this holy city and drink this drink. However, as soon as I got there, I thought, "No, this isn't for me. Let's just visit this stuff and keep it moving."
However, I got to meet the manager of my hotel, and we kind of hit it off, and in turn, he said that he would get Bhang for me later that night.
During the day, I went to two temples. One is for a sort of a watch seer that gives you permission to visit the Lord Shiva temple, which is right on the Ganges River. As I walked to the first temple, I chanted "OM NAMAH SHIVAYA," and as I did, random people along the route would shout the same.
OM NAMAH SHIVAYA
Finally, I got to the Shiva temple, and here I sat by the Ganges River, and truthfully it was beautiful, and I could feel my heart beat a little stronger, a little louder. I was in awe. There weren't tears, but I felt inspired, and truthfully, the days leading up to this, I was troubled very much so, for a lot of reasons, which I'll get into another time.
Finally, later that night, I get together with the hotel manager, and he brings me the Bhang, and I consume it, and later it consumes me. I am in some sort of ethereal state. It was at this moment I then chanted "OM NAMAH SHIVAYA" 108 times, and something took over me—a spirit, that god, whatever you want to call it.
It was as if Shiva had come to destroy all the pain, all the fear, all the hate that was within me. It was so powerful, and for that moment, it clicked for me—the power of this chant.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you guys are thinking (except for Vasu, he knows), "What is he talking about?" But this was more than a drug. The drug, the medicine, was a gateway for me to recognize the power of meditation, and that chanting "OM NAMAH SHIVAYA" 108 times would focus my mind. It would cleanse my spirit and soul.
Time would, of course, pass, and I would forget this powerful lesson, and eventually I would return to Florida. For about two weeks, I was depressed out of my mind. What was I going to do? What should I do? I had burned through most of my money, and I didn't have that much left. Then I drank that little THC drink that I mentioned earlier, and what did I do? I chanted "OM NAMAH SHIVAYA" 108 times, and then I was awakened again.
I saw then on Instagram that Jahanzeb was subletting his apartment, and I said, "Fuck It! I am coming back to the city that I love."
Man, I LOVE being in NYC, not because of the city itself—place is a shit hole filled with rats and smells like trash. But I love the people here. I love Vasu, I love Hassan, I love Chad, I love Calvin, I love Arjun, Danny too, Jahanzeb you too, and countless others. This city has got the wackiest characters in the world, and honestly, I am kind of a weirdo at times, but this is the only place that has made me feel like I am not that different after all. I feel the power, I feel the energy, I feel the spirit.
The drink, or let's say the western Bhang, helped me get into the Shiva spirit again. I felt powerful again. I felt that I had agency to control my destiny.
Let me give you some background on Bhang.
During the 'Samundra Manthan,' a lethal poison named 'Halahal' was released, which was so poisonous that it could end the entire creation. To avoid that happening, Lord Shiva consumed the whole poison on his own, and later to cool him down, gods offered him Bhang (cannabis).
There was a poison that was spreading through my body—self-doubt, fear, insecurity, powerlessness—and when I consumed Bhang, the poison stopped spreading through my mind, and through my meditation, I was able to tap into my inner being and gain the courage to return to NYC.
However, when I came back to NYC, I became disillusioned, and I had resorted to the Bhang or weed as my solution to finding my spirit, not realizing that the Bhang merely led me to my true solution, which was meditation—the tool that I must use to control my mind.
This had led me to many paths. There was a man in Manhattan, let's call him Barjun. I just kind of hated that he never really came down to Brooklyn unless it was for other people, and I took it upon myself that I needed to go to war with Manhattan, and in turn, my brother Barjun. I ended up trying to go to war with my brothers, but really there was only one war being fought. I was at war with myself. Man, I hate to say it, but there were weeks and weeks that I would just wake up and say, "Man, I just want to blow my brains out."
Right now, I am back in Florida, but I am not depressed, but I am at war. I am wearing my German military jacket as I type this little shit show of a story. I blocked basically all of my best friends' numbers, and I am not talking to any of my homies back home in New York, but it has nothing to do with you guys. I love you guys. I just need to look myself in the mirror, and I need to face this demon, and LOCK THE FUCK IN. I will be back in New York in 6-8 weeks. You won't hear from me until then. I am doing the work. I promise you that. I am going to fix my mind and my body through my spirit. I know my spirit is powerful.
Two years ago, I nearly died, and I said this after my cousin's wedding, that truthfully knowing each and every one of you all—the honor has been all mine. I have been blessed with an opportunity to not only live this life with you but to build with you all. I know it might not make sense why I am keeping my distance from everyone now, but I must save myself. I love you all. I will see you in 6-8 weeks.
OM NAMAH SHIVAYA.
RIDE WITH THE MOB , ALHAMDULILLAH